He wrote: Tell me your insecurities, I will be there for you.
To be honest, there are many days which come and go too quickly for me to capture vividly in my mind. But today was one of those days that will permanently remained etched. Not because of his romantic gesture but because I’m so greatly moved by his sincere, thoughtful, and all-encompassing nature.
I love you <3
Twelve
Yet again, another year has passed. Ever so quickly, ever so silently. Perhaps it is time to curb the prolonged absence of my activity on this blog. Thoughts must be penned down, lest be forgotten.
My mother makes me drink lemon water because it “detoxifies” (the body). I believe her pro-health mentality is rubbing off on me. I think about the nights I stay up really late (aren’t children supposed to sleep by 11pm?)—I turn in at dawn. Five, sometimes six, or seven am. But am I not an adult?
I’ve been eager to step into the shoes of an adult for a long, long time, since I was little. I assumed that once I grew into one, I would magically understand everything that goes on in my life. Everything. But I’ll be turning twenty-one in August and I still only know so little.
Is it normal to be afraid of growing up, and growing old? Not of the wrinkles and the saggy breasts, impaired vision or hearing; rather, of the challenges that arrive with the title of an adult? Learning about “grown-up things” like investments, stock markets, insurance, financial freedom, your parents’ health, diseases, retrenchment, … What about the part where you have to secure a job, one that makes or breaks your life? All these worrisome thoughts, they weigh me down, clutter my mind, and most of the time, anchor me down to some bottomless… pit.
I think this is why I don’t enjoy new year celebrations as much as my friends/family do; why I prefer not to acknowledge the passing of time. I don’t see the need to celebrate such events.
…And I do attempt to cast away troubling thoughts as such. I remind myself: when I’m older, I’ll understand better; when I am supposed to know of such “adult things” it will only be natural I come to terms with it. Additionally, a life-partner or a special someone would make things a little less scary simply because of the companionship and stability he provides in this ever-evolving world. Fortunately, my someone is doing a brilliant job at it.
And that is how I make my peace with each and every new year. I pray to God for strength, courage, wisdom, confidence and love. That He will guide me and lead me down the path I was meant to tread upon.
A belated happy new year to one and all.
"…marriage as two flawed people coming together to create a space of stability, love and consolation, a “haven in a heartless world”."
— Christopher Lasch
